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This our Joke page, so if
you have a joke or picture you would like to see here please feel
free to e-mail me
Terry Law
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| May 26 |
To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine..
.
and those who don't.
As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there
is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of
carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated
that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the
year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia
coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we
are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or
tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to
go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or
fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop,
Wine = Health
.
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to
drink water and be full of shit.
:
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm
doing it as a public service
.
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| April 26 |
Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canucks.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from
If someone in a Home Depot store
Offers you assistance and they don't work there,
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation
With someone who dialed a wrong number,
If "Vacation" means going anywhere
South of Detroit for the weekend,
If you measure distance in hours,
If you know several people
Who have hit a deer more than once,
If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C"
In the same day and back again,
If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow
During a raging blizzard without flinching,
If you install security lights on your house and garage,
If you carry jumpers in your car
And your wife knows how to use them,
If you design your kid's Halloween costume
If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km --
You're going 90 and everybody is passing you,
If driving is better in the winter
Because the potholes are filled with snow,
If you know all 4 seasons:
Almost winter, winter, still winter,
On your snow blower than your car,
If you find 2 degrees "a little chilly",
If you actually understand these jokes,
Your Canadian friends & others,
You definitely live in Canada.
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| April 15 |
Retirement Planning
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it
would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original
$1000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have
$49.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer/wine
one year ago, drank all the beer/wine, then turned in the
cans/bottles
for the aluminium recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to Drink
heavily and recycle.
Let people you care about know...
And tell them to Start Now!!!
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| April 6 |
To all my friends who in 2007 sent me
best 'wishes', chain letters, 'angel' letters or other promises
of good luck if I forwarded something,
Well...NONE OF THAT SHIT WORKED !!!!
So, for 2008, could
you please just send Money,
Beer, Jack Daniels, Movie tickets, Airline tickets, or better
yet....
Gasoline vouchers .
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| Mar 2 |
I was feeling a little nosey, so I thought I would look in on you
and see if you are sitting at your computer... Yup,
there you are, Doing nothing! |
| Jan 26 |
ALL
GRANDPAS, HEED THIS WARNING :
Do NOT lose your grandkids in the Mall!
My young grandson got separated from me Sunday at the local mall. He
approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!"
The cop
asked, "What's he like?
"The little
guy thought for a moment and then replied,
"Jack Daniels whiskey, football and women with big boobs."
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| Jan 26 |
After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my
wife one day and said 'Honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap
apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a
10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with
a Hot 25 year old gal.
Now
I have a $500,000 house, a $60,000 car, nice big bed and a
plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 69 year old woman. It
seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things.'
My
wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find
a hot 25 year old gal and she would make sure that I would once
again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car,
sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white
TV.
Aren't older women great?
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| Jan 26 |
Government Snow Plow... This is Priceless...
Does this really happen????
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| Jan 21 |
I like this one!!!! A recent study
found the average Canadian walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found Canadians drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer
a year.
That means, on average, Canadians get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind Of Makes You Proud To Be Canadian Eh!. |
| Jan 7 |
I'm soon to be a Grandad .... Is this the way it will be??
SHOPPING WITH A GRANDCHILD
AN OLD MAN WAS
GROCERY SHOPPING WITH HIS
GRANDSON.
THE TODDLER WAS
CRYING, AND AT
TIMES, SCREAMING AT THE
TOP OF
HIS LUNGS.
AS THE OLD GENTLEMAN
WALKED UP AND DOWN THE AISLES,
PEOPLE
COULD HEAR HIM
SPEAKING IN A SOFT VOICE...
"WE ARE ALMOST DONE,
ALBERT...TRY NOT TO CRY, ALBERT...LIFE
WILL GET BETTER,
ALBERT..."
AS HE
APPROACHED THE CHECKOUT STAND, HE CAREFULLY
BRUSHED THE
TODDLER'S TEARS FROM
HIS EYES AND SAID
AGAIN,
"TRY NOT TO CRY, ALBERT... WE
WILL BE HOME SOON,
ALBERT..."
AS HE WAS PAYING THE
CASHIER, THE TODDLER CONTINUED TO
CRY
AS A YOUNG WOMAN
IN LINE BEHIND HIM SAID,
"SIR, I THINK IT IS
WONDERFUL HOW SWEET
YOU ARE BEING TO YOUR
LITTLE ALBERT."
THE OLD
GENTLEMAN BLINKED HIS EYES A COUPLE OF TIMES
BEFORE SAYING
MY
GRANDSON'S NAME IS BRIAN........ I'M
ALBERT..........
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THEY SHALL GROW NOT OLD AS WE
THAT ARE LEFT GROW OLD;
AGE SHALL NOT WEARY THEM NOR
THE YEARS CONDEMN.
AT THE GOING DOWN OF THE SUN
AND IN THE MORNING,
WE WILL REMEMBER THEM.
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