Fox and hens

(c) Sean Richens, Aug. 2000

As usual, the henhouse was run by the foxes.

But it was a democratic henhouse, so eventually it was election time and a fox ran for re-election.

The hens had started to wonder if always voting for foxes was such a good idea. "They promise they won't, but they always end up eating us again after a couple of years. Maybe we should only vote for hens, then we could change things," they would say. They even started a hen party [oops, sorry!] and a hen ran for office.

But the foxes, of course, noticed. They liked running the henhouse, and even if they did have to stop eating the hens just before elections, eventually "the economic realities of the world had to be recognized," which meant that foxes eat hens, and there's nothing anyone can really do about it.

So, with the help of some polling, test screening of new speeches, and a little mousse in the fox candidate's fur, the fox party rolled out its new strategy. At the candidates' debate, the fox had his turn to address the voters assembled before the stage:

"They say hens shouldn't vote for a fox because foxes eat hens. They want you to vote for them because you're hens, but that just means they don't want you to have the opportunity to be foxes! We believe in giving every citizen the full opportunity to become foxes in our society! I look at you before me and see, not hens, but foxes in waiting who just need to be given the opportunity to reach their potential."

Some of the crowd applauded.

"We will remove the barriers to economic achievement by drastically lowering the taxes on foxes. Foxes like you should not have to pay week after week to support those who can't bother to help themselves."

Some of the sleepier hens, hearing "taxes" and "lower" in the same sentence, let out a cheer.

"No more feathering the nests of hens who just lay egg after egg with no thought of tomorrow! Any hen can become a fox through hard work, dedication, and sacrifice and you all deserve the respect you earn through your achievements! We will free you to become foxes! We will respect you as foxes! And you can say to anyone who wants you to vote for the hen party that No-one - Eats - You!"

Raising his voice with each sentence, the fox candidate roused the crowd, bringing them to their feet and left them cheering thunderously.

The fox won the election by a landslide. In his victory speech, he announced he would immediately start a series of meetings with ordinary "Neo-Foxes", as the former hens called themselves. He wanted to "stay in touch" with those who had put him in office.

A dinner invitation was sent to a randomly selected "Neo-Fox". The guest, a little nervous, had come with notes, questions he wanted to ask, some points for gently lobbying for his industry. Reading through his guest's notes over dinner, the fox thought to himself: "Hmm. Tastes like chicken."