From: Plonq Subject: Story: All In A Day's Work Date: July 28, 1999 22:59 "It's disgusting!" said the rhino morph, pounding the desk solidly for emphasis with one of his hammy fists. "Have you no shame? Don't you know that this flies in the face of everything we have been fighting against all these years?" If Plonq was moved by the rhino's words, he showed no sign. The little cat spared the other morph a quick glance, then returned his attention to the fish wafer he had been enjoying. He took a small nibble from the treat and purred. "Yum!" The big morph's nostrils flared angrily at the feline's apparent dismissal. He took another step into the smaller fur's cubicle and jabbed Plonq in the mid-section with a meaty finger. "I don't know how you can look at yourself in the mirror some days," he said, glowering at the snow leopard down the length of his horn. "You make me sick. What's worse, you've got the otter doing it now too." "What otter doing what?" asked an otter, who had been approaching unseen by the rhino. "You're not talking about me, are you?" Like the snow leopard, the little otter was clutching a half-eaten fish wafer in his hand. "Aw Fig, don't tell me you're on your high horse about that test lab stuff again," he said, rolling his eyes. "It's not right!" thundered the rhino. "You're selling your soul, and for what?" "Fifty dollars a week," said Giblet eagerly, "and these delicious fish wafers. I hear they have these alfalfa bars that are to die for - er, figuratively speaking. C'mon, Fig, I don't know why you're getting your ass so puckered about this. It's all pretty low impact stuff." "Yum!" said Plonq again, taking another nibble of his fish treat. "Ya - rub it in," growled Giblet. "I can't taste a thing. I think I'll save the rest of this for tomorrow." He re-wrapped the wafer in its package and slid it into his shirt pocket. Or more accurately, Plonq's shirt pocket. The snow leopard had given up berating the otter for borrowing his clothes. The mustelid seemed to possess a rather tenuous concept of ownership when it came to apparel. "This is STUPID!" said Fig emphatically. "You have no idea what lasting effects these tests are going to have down the road." "They're mostly non-intrusive," said Plonq practically. "Speak for yourself," said Giblet sourly. "You didn't spend the last hour sniffing drain cleaner. Erf - my nose is bleeding again. Be right back." The little otter clamped a thumb and finger over his nostrils and made a beeline toward the washroom. The rhino threw his arms up in the air in a show of disgust. "Why do I bother? I don't even want to be seen with you two," he said, stomping away angrily. "Well they're not allowed to test REAL animals any more," retorted Plonq at his departing back. For as much as he hated to admit it, the snow leopard had to concede a small point to the rhino: the free fish wafers were a bit stale this week. He sighed and wheeled his chair back into place behind his workstation to check his "to do" list for the afternoon. His first task was to call his mother back. Plonq always felt slightly guilty about making long-distance calls from his phone at work - but not quite guilty enough to stop doing so. He was disappointed when, after four rings, the answering machine clicked on. "Hi, you have reached the Snow residence. We are currently screening our calls to avoid bill collectors. Ack! Plonq, if this is you, don't you DARE hang up on this answering machine. Don't think we won't know if you do because we got call-display installed. " "Hi mom, it's Plonq," mewled the snow leopard. "Sorry that I missed your call earlier, but I was off doing volunteer animal-testing again. Thanks for the present and card." He noticed that his birthday card had fallen over beside his computer and quickly righted it. "The post office kinda brutalised the package a bit on the way here. The jar of anchovy paste broke and leaked all over the place, but everything came clean in the washing machine. Yes, I promise to throw out a couple of my old pairs of underwear now that you've sent me some new ones. Um," the little cat wanted to say more, but he detested answering machines. "I should keep this message short. My boss really watching our long distance calls lately with that fifteen-percent budget cut. I wouldn't be surprised if that cheap bastard is monitoring my phone. Love you. Goodbye." Plonq sat back and watched the phone for a few moments after he hung it up. If his folks were really at home and screening their calls then they might call him right back. He was just reaching for his birthday card to re-read it when his computer cheerily announced, "You've got mail!" The little snow leopard only kept that voice clip on his computer because his co-workers found it irritating. His co-workers did not complain too much, though, because they knew that he had FAR worse soundbytes with which he could replace it - like his 45-second clip of Ave Maria. He opened up Notes and saw that he had accrued a few messages since lunchtime. The most recent addition was a message from his boss. "Plonq, This is just a reminder to try and minimise long-distance calls from your workstation. Contrary to popular rumours I am not monitoring your phone. What do you mean I'm a cheap bastard?" "Ack!" The cat scowled under his breath, deleted the message and moved on to the next. "Plonq! It's a week past the deadline for..." "All Staff, The Fred Phelps Gay Rights support dance will be..." "Friend, Do you want to earn $$$ in the comfort of your..." "Plonq, There is a big-ass parcel for you down in the mailroom and I don't intend to give myself a hernia carrying it up there for you. Please come down here and get it. S." The little feline swallowed hard and read the mail again. The mundane content of the message was less important than the fact that it was the first email he had ever received from the mail morph. It was also the first words either of them had exchanged since that day the previous week when she had skunked him. Plonq had been avoiding her. He suspected - rightly - that she had noticed his elusiveness and had contrived an excuse to get him alone for a few minutes. Plonq took a nervous bite from his fish wafer and chewed the delectable mouthful without really tasting it. He briefly debated cajoling Giblet into retrieving the package for him, but the otter appeared to be preoccupied with a nosebleed at the moment. Plonq sighed and pushed his chair back. He knew that he couldn't avoid the skunk forever. Best, he decided, to head down to the mailroom and find out what she really wanted. He didn't know why, but as he walked toward the elevator he was feeling the same trepidation as he had when the boss had sent him a message reading, "Plonq, you have exactly THREE minutes to get to my office! And the clock started two-minutes and fifty-seconds ago!" Plonq pressed the button and stepped clear of the doors to wait; hands clasped behind his back and tail thrashing furiously. "Avoiding you? Nothing of the sort! Why would I be avoiding you?" Not bad, he conceded, but far from convincing. He stared mutely at the elevator doors while his mind ran through a more likely scenario. "I'm sorry that I've been avoiding you, but I get really nervous around girls. I think you're really nice, and... Ack! I'm REALY sorry - hairball! Let me help you wipe that up! Ack! Oh no! Um - don't tell me you just inked that stamp pad. I think I know something that will get ink out of a white dress - Yow! Ow! Ow! My tail is stuck in the stamp machine! Omigod - it's exploded and set the building on fire!" He shook his head sadly as the elevator doors opened and he stepped into the awaiting chamber. There was little doubt in his mind that he had many good reasons to be nervous. His ruminations were only briefly disrupted when the elevator doors slowly closed on his tail. When he arrived at the mailroom, he found the skunk perched on a stool in front of her sorting desk. A half-eaten grub wafer and a cup of gourmet coffee sat on the desk within easy reach. She had a set of Discman headphones balanced precariously on her fuzzy ears, and the tip of her bushy tail twitched in time with the tinny music that he could just hear from his spot halfway across the room. "Oh great," thought the snow leopard sourly. "How am I supposed to get her attention without setting her off?" The feline had uncomfortably vivid memories of the last time he had startled Sapphire. Whether she sensed his eyes on her, or - more likely - caught his scent as he stepped in the door, the skunk glanced over her shoulder at the hesitating cat. "Oh, there you are," she said cheerily, pulling off the headphones and pressing the pause button on her Discman. "You sure didn't waste any time coming down here." She spun her self around in the stool and bounced to the floor (and bounced, he noticed). If she noticed that his glance had been diverted, she showed no sign. The petite skunk wound her way through the clutter around her desk to a monitor box in the corner. "This came in from IS. I have no idea what it is, but it's addressed to you and it's kind of heavy." Plonq spared the box a momentary glance, but found that he could not keep his eyes off the skunk. If snow leopards could blush, he'd have turned an interesting shade when she bent over to examine the parcel. He tried to avert his gaze politely, but she may as well have attached magnets to her buttocks. His only saving grace was that she had not apparently noticed... "Getting a good look?" she asked cheerily. ... or maybe she had. Ack! The little cat coughed awkwardly and turned to admire the company calendar on the wall over the desk. It was a very nice calendar - with a sharp photograph of a locomotive bearing the corporate logo. Of course, he had a calendar just like it over his own desk, but he had never stopped to properly admire the composition of the picture. He saw the skunk moving out of the corner of his eye, but he refused to let his attention waver. "Can I ask you something?" asked Sapphire in a very serious tone. She was standing over the parcel with her arms crossed in a manner that accentuated her pert breasts in a way that Plonq found mildly disconcerting. "Um, ya, sure..." he stammered. "Why are you still single?" she demanded. The question was not quite what the snow leopard had been expecting, and the skunk caught him flat-footed. Several witty responses played through his brain, but the little feline was mortified when he heard his mouth utter the self-fulfilling, "Because I'm a loser." "Oh," said Sapphire sombrely. She appeared to mull over his words for a few moments before she blurted, "are you gay?" "No!" yowled Plonq adamantly. "Have you been talking to that damn lying otter or something? I mean, I was really drunk that night, and..." "Oh, that," interrupted the skunk with a dismissive wave. The feline was mortified that she actually knew. He was going to have to speak with Giblet when they got home. "So, then, are you Bi?" He shrugged. "Oh, so you're not sure. Well, no shame if you are. I am." "What?!" Now it was her turn to shrug. Her eyes wandered around the room, looking at everything except the snow leopard, and Plonq began to wonder if she was as nervous as he was. She unfolded her arms and sat down on his parcel from IS with a sigh. The cat suddenly felt the need to sit down himself. He walked over and straddled the chair by her work area, wrapping his arms around the back. "Um, why are you telling me this?" said Plonq slowly. "Well... 'cause." She replied simply. She ran a delicate hand lightly down the black fur of her arm. "You obviously find me attractive - I've been watching you watch me for awhile." She slapped the package on which she was sitting and quipped, "you don't think I could have carried this upstairs myself? It took you, like, five minutes to get down here after I sent you that note. I don't think I've ever seen you move that fast." She had him there. For all his reluctance, he had to confess that he had wasted little time coming down to find out what she'd wanted. Now he knew. He looked at the nervous little skunk and tried to form his next words. "I think she really likes you!" he thought with a mixture of awe and disbelief. "God help me, for once in your life don't say something stupid Plonq." "Do you like fish?" he mewled tentatively. Ack! Ah well, once a loser, always a loser. Sapphire blinked quickly a couple of times as if she wondered if she had heard him right, then giggled. "It's okay," she said, "I mean I like some kinds of sushi. You leading somewhere with this?" "No," admitted Plonq. Sapphire stood and deftly picked up the box she had been using as a seat - in spite of her earlier claims that it was very heavy. She carried it over to the dithering snow leopard and held it out to him at chest level. He took the box - noting idly that it was as massive as she had claimed - and stood dumbly, holding the parcel in his arms. When it became apparent to her that the cat was too tongue-tied to speak, the skunk said, "The Ichiban has sushi for half-price tonight. I haven't had a good feed of raw fish in ages, and I think I'll head over there after work." She patted the cat morph's cheek playfully and added, "you can take that as an invitation if you like. Either way, I'll be downstairs at five o'clock, and I'm heading over there at a quarter after, whether you show up or not." She shooed the little cat out of her mailroom and stood just inside the doorway, watching him amble dazedly down the hall toward the elevators. In her heart, she honestly didn't know if he would show up after work or not. Ironically, Plonq was wondering the same thing while he walked away. The skunk girl was a full ten years younger than he was for one thing, and more significantly, he had never been on a date before. What exactly did one DO on a date? Suppose he got nervous and made a complete fool of himself? Plonq was very good at making a fool of himself, but this was different. He liked this girl. What would Giblet think? He may not have been the most perceptive little cat in the world, but Plonq knew that the otter had designs on him. He remembered what the skunk had said about being bi, and had to swallow hard at the mental images that suddenly played through his mind. Well, so much for getting any work done this afternoon... "Dear Mr. Plonq," read the note inside the box, "Your request for an upgrade to NT4 has been approved. In our ongoing effort to reduce costs at IS, we have provided this upgrade on recycled, low-density 5 1/4 diskettes (enclosed). Also included in this package is a refurbished, external disk drive." "Bleah!" said Plonq as he lifted out the first diskette. He read the hand-written label: "NT4 UPGRADE. DISK I OF CDXLVII" Wait a minute... ack! Wasn't "D" the Roman numeral for five hundred? He sighed, and began stacking the disks on his desk in neat rows. Giblet wandered by a few hours later to find the snow leopard hovering patiently over a gronking disk drive. "Whoa! Haven't seen one of those in awhile!" said the otter amiably. "What'cha doing?" "Upgrading NT," said Plonq sourly. The otter eyed the somewhat depleted stack of diskettes, and the jury-rigged floppy drive. "Interesting cable job," he said, reaching out to finger the cord. "What's with all the electrician's tape?" "DON'T TOUCH THAT!" yowled Plonq, grabbing the mustelid's wrist before he could touch the cable. "It's got a loose connection and it cuts out if you even breathe at it too hard! This is my third time trying to install!" "Whoa - touchy," said Giblet. He moved around to the other side of the snow leopard and carefully perched himself on the edge of the feline's desk. "Hey, what's this I hear about you and the mail skunk? Going on a date tonight, eh?" He picked up one of the already-installed disks and made a show of examining it closely. "Don't mix those up - I may need them again," said Plonq tersely. "It's not a date. We're just going out for sushi." "Mm, sushi," said the otter, licking his nose wistfully. "That's something we haven't done in awhile." "Did you want to come along?" asked Plonq hopefully. "Naw," said Giblet. He tossed the diskette carelessly back onto the stack where he'd found it. "I'd just be in the way. No, you two go off and have your fun tonight. I'll just head home and sit there alone for the evening. Just me and the television for company." "Giblet! I.... Ack!" "What?" "I just plugged the wrong disk in," mewled Plonq pathetically. "Oh no! The install aborted! I was up to disk," he glanced at the diskette in his hand, "CCXLVIII this time! Ack!" "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to distract you," said Giblet with honest contrition. "I just enjoy watching you sit there and squirm with guilt. You're so cute when you wear your emotions on your sleeve." "I don't feel guilty. Why should I feel guilty?" said Plonq guiltily. While he spoke, he set to the task of moving disks from the "done" piles back to the "to do" stacks. "Oh, I dunno," said the otter airily. He slid from his perch on the desk with silken ease and stole around behind the feline's chair. As the snow leopard was turning one way to face the otter, the little mustelid deftly wrapped an arm around the cat's other shoulder and scritched him gently on the chest. "Maybe because you're a dirty two-timer? Was I just a one-night stand?" "No!" said Plonq sharply. "Good," murmured the otter, leaning close to his ear. "That implies that there will be more nights, doesn't it?" "Giblet!" "Say yes, or I'll start nibbling on your ear in front of the whole office - though there's nobody nearby to see it, alas." He giggled and tussled the feline's ears with his other hand. "Don't sit there and fret. Who do you think put her up to this anyway? Geez, half the office has noticed you two eyeing each other. Besides, she knows about us and is cool with that." "What do you mean, 'about us'?" demanded Plonq apprehensively. "That," said the otter smugly, "is for me to know, and for you to learn. Now put away those silly disks and get your cute furry butt in gear or you'll miss your date." "But... but..." stammered Plonq, waving around disk XLIX for emphasis. "And get rid of those antiques," said the otter as he turned to leave. He glanced back at the agitated snow leopard and added with a gleam in his eye, "if you want NT4, I've got the upgrade on CD over at my workstation." "Aaaaaargh!" When the cleaning staff came through later that night they found the garbage tin under the snow leopard's desk overflowing with floppy disks. Nobody could readily explain why many of them appeared to have been bit in half, though. * Plonq