Building a strong self image

I was given the short straw of confronting Julie about something she had done to upset the group. I tried to affirm her, but she completely fell apart. She denied that she had done anything wrong, and thought I was the one with the problem. Julie couldn't face the fact that there was something in her life that other people didn't like. She took my rebuke as personal rejection.

George was a show off. He was always trying to impress others with such things as his clothes, his cell 'phone and his knowledge. He loved to be the centre of attention. In fact, he was uncomfortable when he was not the centre of attention. In those situations he would try to draw attention away from the other person and onto himself, much to irritation of others. It seemed he continually needed affirmation and people's approval. In spite of all this attention seeking, few if any knew what he was really like. I am sure he was putting on an act, fearful of what others might think if they discovered what was behind that mask.

These people I've described are showing symptoms of a low self image. It is a feeling that you are nothing. Many of us, including commited Christians suffer from this feeling to a greater or lesser extent.

As Christians we need to value ourselves as God values us. If we despise ourselves, God will be limited in what He can do through us. We need to start to realise that God gives us value.

He wants to do big things through us

I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. Jn 14:12

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Php. 4:13

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth. Acts 1:8

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, Eph. 3:20

The effects of a negative self image

a) We will lack faith and therefore limit God

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Heb. 11:6

He (Jesus) answered: "`Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind' ; and, `Love your neighbour as yourself.' " Luke 10:27

The sentiment here is if we can't love ourselves, how can we love other people?

How do we develop a negative self image?

What is the basis of value of a person?

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matt. 6:26

What makes us of more value than animals? We are made in God's image, and we can communicate with God. However, humanistic and atheistic thinking which rejects God, makes human beings without value. For example, if you believe that we are the result of millions of years of evolution without any divine guidance, then what is there to suppose we are worth any more than pig manure?

There are at least 3 reasons why we do not value ourselves properly.

(I) We value ourselves using the world's value system

We live in the world and therefore we are influenced by it. We take on worldly values.

1. Ask people if they want to change their appearance, and you can almost guarantee that most would. Some feel they are too large or too short, have too big a nose or don't like their hair colour, etc. It is interesting that in Tonga, men prefer their women to be fat, which is opposite to the way we in the west think. Can you see that the ungodly influences persuade us to value ourselves by what we look like?
2. In many people's thinking, the more intellectual we are the more worth we have. The same is true with how good we are at sport or other abilities. God wants to purge these ideas from our thinking.
3. For some people your background is where you get your value. Do you have the right parents? Do you live in the right place? Do you speak the right language or with the right accent? What is your race or skin colour?
4. Many people will value themselves and others by material possessions: money, cars, houses, clothes, etc. The world tends to say you need these things, and judges you by what you have.

This is how God looks at us:

But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Sam. 16:7

(II) We may have suffered rejection by people

For example, friends, parents and teachers.

It is comforting to know that Jesus suffered rejection:

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Is. 53:3

(III) We may have received wrong teaching

For example, inferiority is not humility. Confidence is not pride. As Christians we should be both humble and confident, but we must not be proud or have an inferiority complex.

What are the symptoms of a negative self image?

For introverts:

• the inability to receive love
• constantly criticising yourself
• excessive shyness and embarrassment
• constant feelings of condemnation and self pity
• inability to concentrate: always thinking about yourself.

For extroverts:

• trying to impress people with smart talk, humour, etc.
• criticism of others: it boosts yourself to put others down
• rebellion against authorities, because you feel put down by them
• workaholism: some people try to earn love by working hard
• perfectionism: we can't accept ourselves when we do not meet the high standards we judge ourselves by.

Overcoming a negative self image

1. We need to forgive all those who have hurt us.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matt. 6:14,15

2. We need to understand and meditate on God's value system.

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Jn 8: 31, 32

3. We must confess with our lips, God's value system.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. Heb. 10.23

4. Prayer with others can be healing.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. Jam. 5:16

God's value system

Having been largely brought up without my father being around, I suffered from a great deal of insecurity. I lacked confidence, and it affected me in many ways.

• I was over sensitive about what others thought of me.
• I could not handle criticism well
• I was afraid to try new things, for example I didn't learn to drive a car until I was much older.

However, when I started to tell the truth about myself, I gained confidence in the sure knowledge of God's love. To do this, I frequently meditated on the Bible passages I've listed below. After a time, this head knowledge became heart knowledge, and people around me noticed how much more confident I was. I would encourage you to meditate on these verses, and convince yourself that what you are reading really is the truth. After a while you will see the difference.

Things you need to know from the depth of your heart to be true for you!

The truth sets me free.

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Jn 8: 31, 32

1. Thank you God that you accept me, and love me the way I am with all my imperfections.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Rom. 5:8

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 1 Jn 4:10

All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. Jn 6:37

2. In spite of all my weaknesses, you are bringing me to maturity

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Php. 1:6

The LORD will fulfil [his purpose] for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever-- do not abandon the works of your hands. Ps. 138:8

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are --yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Heb. 4: 15-16

God sympathises with our weaknesses. It is God who changes us, and brings us to maturity.

3. I determine to value myself the way you value me:

a) I am a person made in God's image.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Gen. 1:27

Even though we are fallen, we still have great potential. Also, Jesus redeemed us.

b) I am a son of the King of Kings.

I am a prince of the King of Kings. We know who we are, so we can behave like it. We must see ourselves as children of a millionaire or a very powerful and influential person.

c) A large price has been paid for my redemption, therefore I am a valuable person.

you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your body. 1 Cor. 6:20

4. I reject the worlds way of valuing people

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is --his good, pleasing and perfect will. Rom. 12:2

But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Sam. 16:7

5. I am a unique person. I refuse to compare myself negatively with others.

We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. 2 Cor. 10:12

6. I am valuable because I bring pleasure to You, my Father and Creator by my love.

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17

7. I am valuable because I can make other people know they are valuable by my love for them.

Any Comments?

Copyright CALITE June 2002