Homer Simpson's letter to Santa Claus

Dear Santa, maybe it's the berr talking but I'm mighty muffed that I didn't get that beer coster I've been asking for the last three years! Lewt's hope you don't screw up again this year. First off, I apology for using this napken. It was all Moe had.

Now, what I want:

  1. Cable TV. Not those cheapo deals, I want lots of channels. I want a zillion more channels than Ned Flanderes.
  2. Fake ice cubes. I can never get enough fake ice cubes.
  3. Fake ice cubes. I can never get enough fake ice cubes.
  4. Real marshmallows. I'm tired of imitation marshmallows.
  5. A pipeline directly from Moe's Tavern to my couch at home. (Don't tell Moe. Mmmm, beer!)
  6. Laaaaam^nsn as$*gy#@ss.... Wooow! I must of dosed off for a moment. Where was I?
  7. Tang! I can't get any Tang around here. I even asked NASA and the President, but they won't tell me. (Jerks!)
  8. Hair. (Doesn't have to be real.)

Oh, I know you usaully don't do requests, but I want the following people dead:

  • Ned Flanders
  • Both of my sister-in-laws
  • Mr. Burns
  • Smithers

    And those nerds on the Internet (or at least make them stop talking about me!). I know you can manage this because you're well connected and occasionally get the Mob to do favours for you.

    Well, I guess that's about it for now. I'm running out of spcae on this napkin. (Sorry about the stains -- Barney used it while I was relieving myself. But I think a got most of the vomit off.)

    If I remember something, I let you know. give Mrs. Claus my love.

    Yours truley,

    Homer J. Sampson.

    P.S. Barney says he'll write you, too, as soon as he gets up from the bar floor.

    P.P.S. Don't get anything for the boy.

    P.P.P.S. I still want that beer coaster!

    Parody - not to be taken seriously. / Dave Hall (davehall@cyberspc.mb.ca)