Compiled by Dave Hall (davehall@cyberspc.mb.ca)
(from his various lists)
[7G01] The sign at SNPP: 7 days since last accident
Dr. Monroe's talk-in radio show:
Line 1: Marge, age 34. Mother unappreciated wife
Line 2: Paul, age 4. Nail biter not his own
[7G03] SNPP sign: Our Safety record - 7 days since last accident
[7G04] Dr. Monroe's Family Therapy Center: 1-800-555-HUGS
[7G06] Some Video games:
- Escape From Grandma's House
- Pac-Rat
- Eat My Shorts
- Robert Goulet Destroyer
- Pac-Rat II
[7G09] Bob's RV Round-Up office signs:
``We give credit to everyone''
``Bad credit! Good!''
[7G12] Krusty Gets Busted: The Day the Laugher Died
Some magazine covers:
- Timely: Krook of the Year
- News weekly: Rhymes with Dastard
- Today's Guns: 357 Magnum - The Clown Stopper
[7F01] Springfield Shopper #1:
Mutation Caught At Ol' Fishin' Hole
Is Power Plant Responsible?
Boy Was Using Five Pound Test And Ordinary Worms
Sister Was Just There For The Tranquillity
Springfield Shopper #2:
FISHIN' HOLE OR FISSION HOLE?
Burns Denies Responsibility In Fish Flap
Count the Eyes, Mr. Burns!
Springfield Shopper #3:
GOVERNOR CALLS FOR POWER PLANT INVESTIGATION
Springfield Shopper #4:
Burns Skyrockets To Seven Percent In Latest Polls
Springfield Shopper #5:
BURNS BANDWAGON ROLLS ON
Latest Poll Puts Him at 22 Percent
Springfield Shopper #6:
BURNS NUKES BAILEY IN LATEST POLL
Forty-Two Percent And Climbing
Marge's sign: `An independent voter for Bailey.'
Lisa's T-shirt: `I wish I were old enough to vote for Bailey.'
Bart's T-shirt: `My Dad told me to vote for Burns.'
Homer's sign: `I'm a fool for Burns.'
(Note: the `Burns' name on Homer's sign appears to be off-color.)
[7F02] Royal Majesty - For the Obese or Gangly Gentleman
(No food or drink allowed in store)
[7F03] Ben Franklin's sled has a snake and the words:
``Don't sled on me.''
[7F05] Some billboard ads:
Royal Majesty: Clothing for the obese or Gangly Gentlemen
Moe's Tavern: Hit this sign and win a freewill drink
[7F06] Springfield Speedway Billboard: "SUNDAY: BEAR BAITING"
[7F09] Protest signs:
Marge - I'm protesting because Itchy & Scratchy are
indirectly responsible for my husband being hit
on the head with a mallet
Maggie- Stop me before I kill my father again
Homer - Please ban violent cartoons -- next time I might
not be so lucky
Lisa - Ban Itchy & Scratchy
Bart - Ban Itchy & Scratchy
{Bart later adds `Don't' to the sign}
Some more protest signs:
Timothy Lovejoy - For heavens sake -- make them stop
fighting
Helen Lovejoy - Erase Itchy & Scratchy
Maude Flanders - Join S.N.U.H. NOW!
Ned Flanders - Save the cartoon animals
~Skinner's mother - Destroy the Violent People
Moe - Bring back ``Wagon Train''
Still more protest signs:
- Decency in statuary
- No nudes is good nudes
- *BAN* Michelangelo's David
- David, get off your pedestal
- Kancel David
- Stop Renaissance art NOW!
[7F11] The ambulance's license plate read `Slip'.
Sign in front of Springfield Retirement Home:
`Thank you for not discussing the outside world'
[7F12] The article titles that appear on the cover of Ms. are:
- Inside: Why all men are bad
- Hating and Dating: Do they mix?
- 25 reasons not to shave your armpits
- Must we be children to be free?
[7F14] Some Dog schools:
East Side Ruff-Form School KL5-0078
Professor Von Bowsers Sanatorium for Dogs KL5-9716
(We taught a dog to drive)
Dr. Marvin Monroe's Canine Therapy Institute KL5-2849
(You dog isn't the problem YOU ARE!)
Emily Winthrop's Canine College KL5-7201
[7F15] Sign at the DMV: You don't have to be crazy to work here,
but it helps
Billboard in front of the First Church of Springfield:
2:00 Peterson Wedding
8:00 Hayride to Heaven
[7F17] Discount Lion Safari!:
So real...you'll think you've driven to Africa!
Grandma's World: ``For the old lady in all of us''
[7F18] Billboard: This park is not COPLESS so please don't go
TOPLESS
ROCK-A-BYE RIPTIDE: ``Water changed hourly.''
[7F19] Homer's sign slogan:
`Sex! Now that I've got your attention, vote for Bart!'
[7F24] Krusty Hotline number: 1-909-O-U-KLOWN
(Bart only dialed eight digits.)
[8F01] The protest signs in front of the White House:
Things are Fine!
No Complaint here!
No Opinion
Everything's A-OK
(That's all I could read.)
[8F02] Springfield Shopper: Monsters Okay Slavery Plan
{picture below headline: Smiling one-eye Alien}
[8F03] Fat Tony's bumper sticker:
`Mafia Staff Car - Keepa Yo Hands Off!'
[8F05] Bart stationary: FROM THE BRAIN OF BART
Temple Beth Springfield: Rabbi Hyman Krustofski
This Saturday ``Coping with Christmas''
[8F09] A sign over a drinking fountain:
``Please do not place foreign objects in the fountain.''
[8F13] Springfield Mystery Spot:
Where logic takes a holiday and all laws of nature are
meaningless.
[8F15] Welcome to Proctorville IOWA -- Home of the National
Testing Center
National Testing Center - Controlling Your Destiny since
1925 -
[8F17] Springfield Shopper: LOTTERY DRAWING TODAY
(`President, Rock Star To Swap Wives')
[8F19] ROYAL KING TRAILER PARK: 14 days without a tornado
(later: 2 days without a tornado)
[8F21] Fuzzy Bunny's Guide to ``You-Know-What'' 1971(c)
The Boat Show
4:00 today
Bob Denver
Eternity Magazine:
The year 2525 -- Were Zager and Evans Right?
Dr. Marvin Monroe Subliminal tape club. Call KL5-3700
Saint Sebastian's School For Wicked Girls
(run by a group of French Canadian Nuns)
[8F23] Sign at SNPP: ANNUAL
PLANT
PHYSICAL
NO JOKES
Forbes Magazine: `THE BLUNDER OF THE CENTURY'
(August 13 or 23, 1991 Price: 4 dollars)
[9F01] A sign on top of warehouse (at Springfield Harbour) reads:
`Smoke on the water'
[9F02] Ye Olde Off-Ramp Inn:
``We're now rat-free! Little Miss Springfield Pageant
Tonight!''
Springfield Shopper: `LISA KICKS BUTT'
Springfield Shopper: `Queen to Mayor: You're next'
(second article: Nerds Pummelled in Football Melle)
[9F03] Banner over front steps of Springfield Elementary:
Parent/Teacher Night ``Let's Share the Blame''
[9F04] Side of talking Krusty doll box:
Problems? Call 1-900-DONT-SUE
KING HOMER plus Chubbiest Kickline in Town (unsure of
exact wording)
[9F05] Los Vegas Marquee:
Tonight: Tom Jones and double Jackpot Slots!!
[9F07] Springfield Auto Show:
``We Salute the American Worker -- Now 61% drug free!''
Mr. Plow: KL5-3226
Sign at Springfield Retirement Castle:
``Thank you for not discussing the outside world.''
[9F10] Court seal: Liberty and Justice For Most
[8F11] Springfield Shopper:
Squirrel resembling Abraham Lincoln found
[9F12] Bigger Brothers: KL5-2233
Corey Hotline: 1-900-555-CORY
Springfield Stadium: Monday - Tomato Day
Springfield Elementary Budet:
1. First Aid
2. Books
3. Scieces
4. History
5. Music & Art
6. Hot Lunches
7. Custodial
8. Playground
Skinner crosses out 1,2,3 and 5.
Bigger Brothers Reasons list:
- Spite
- Malice
- Revenge
- Boredom
- Profit
Marine World: No longer Educational
Restrooms: BUOYS GULLS
Springfield Gorge: The Most Beautiful Gorge in the State
[9F13] The Krusty Home Pregnancy Test:
Warning - May cause birth defects
[9F16] `How to Get Rich Writing Cartoons' by John Swartzwelder.
[9F18] Springfield Christian School:
We put the fun in fundamentalist dogma
Olde Springfield Towne: Wanted Village Idiot
[9F19] Springfield Shopper headline:
Quimby Re-elected by Landslide.
(second article: Two More Bodies Surface in Springfield
Harbor)
[9F21] First Church of Springfield - Today:
``What a f iend we have in God''
(also - The Be Sharps)
[9F22] Springfield Penitentiary:
``America's Fastest Growing Prison''
[1F02] Springfield University EST. 1952:
``Ask about our Latin motto contest.''
Springfield A&M:
``If you were a student here you'd be home by now.''
[1F03] Sign on Kwik-E-Mart window: DUFF Beer suitcase 12.95
Sign next to road: Entering Badlands
High-speed Chases
use Diamond lane.
[1F04] Some tombstones:
Elvis - Accept it
A Balanced Budget
Subtle Political Satire
TV Violence
[1F09] Springfield Shopper: CAT BURGLAR STRIKES 15 HOMES!
(Second article: Man marries woman in wedding ceremony)
[1F10] Do `not' accept `checks from':
Chief Wiggum H.J. Simpson
Reverend Lovejoy Homor Simpson
Homer J. Simpson Homer J. Fong
Homer S. Simpson
[1F11] Krusty's bathroom features a `No Smoking' sign.
[1F12] Springfield Shopper: `Local gays show their pride'
[1F14] Springfield Shopper: Big Fat Man has Big Fat Heart
Ned calls his boat `Thanks for the Boat Lord II'.
[1F16] Sign: BURNS' HEIR AUDITIONS IN LILLIE LANGTRY THEATER --
ALL OTHERS GO TO HELL
The Happy Earwig Motel - Our Crawl-Space Now Body-Free
[1F18] Sign next to armed guard at Fort Springfield:
Proud Home of Secret Civilian Mail-Opening Project
[1F19] Springfield Shopper: `Quimby Nephew Charged in Beating'
(Chowder Said Wrong)
[1F20] Adult Education Annex:
We take the `dolt' out of A-Dolt education.
[1F21] HAL ROACH APARTMENTS:
Retirement living in the heart of the cemetery district
RED BREEM and his band of Some Esteem.
[1F17] Hans' bumper sticker: How am I driving? 1-800 555-3872
[1F22] POOL SHARKS - WHERE THE BUYER IS OUR CHUM
(with picture of sharks swimming around a guy in a rubber
raft.)
[2F02] The Mayor's crest seal includes the words:
Corruptus In Extremis
Springfield Shopper: BOB PARDON: #1 LOCAL ISSUE
(Edges out ``No Fat Chicks'' Ordinance)
Edgar Neubauer: Beloved Husband and old grouch 1831-1909
Springfield Shopper: Call for Probe in Bob Flap
(`Why Not Let Dead Pets Vote?')
[2F03] Re-Neducation Center:
Where the elite meet to have their spirits broken
GRADE F MEAT - Ingredients:
Mostly circus animals, some filler
[2F05] Springfield Youth Center:
``Building unrealistic hopes since 1966''
Moe's Bar: The 70's are back, so let's drink like it
[2F06] Community Center:
Welcome Candy Convention Room 1!
Also Candy-shaped Rat Poison Convention Room 11
Jolly Gummibears: ``They hibernate in your colon.''
Disemboweler IV: The game where condemn criminals dig at
each other with rusty hooks.
Some Protest signs:
- Homer Bad Man
- Hands Off
- Homer is a pig
- You pinch, we lynch
- Touch a butt: Go to jail
- Thou shall not grab
[2F07] BOOKS! BOOKS! AND ADDITIONAL BOOKS!
Today's special: Michener $1.99/lb.
Some book titles:
- Bordello Repair Vol.I
- Bork on Sex
- How to spruce your lousy, lazy husband
- Karma Sutra
- Kosher Erotic Cakes
- Audio: Mr. and Mrs. Erotic American (by Paul Harvey)
- Sane Planning, Sensible Tomorrow (by Al Gore)
- Unidentified Flying Outrage!
Aphrodite Inn: Fantasy rooms & conference center
Now Entering Spittle County: Birthplace of the Loogie
[2F08] Springfield Psychiatric Center:
``Because there may not be bugs on you.''
[2F09] Stern Lecture Plumbing: ``I told you not to flush that''
[2F10] Don't forget: you're here forever
(later: Do it for her)
[2F11] ``BUTTZILLA'' (c) Bart Simpson
Springfield Shopper headline: PREZ SEZ: ``SCHOOL IS FOR
LOSERS''
Springfield Shopper headline: ROCKET TO KICK COMET'S TAIL
(subheading: Mayor Visits City)
Sign on rocket: Caution aim away from face
[2F12] KRUSTY'S CLOWN COLLEGE (Formerly Willie Nelson's House)
SPRINGFIELD COMMUNITY CENTER:
Regional Ace Awards hosted by Dick Cavett
Surgery de Plastique -- Welcome Fugitives
[2F15] The Happy Leech - Bleed while-U-wait
40 Classic Films starring Jim Carrey
- Ace Ventura VI
- The Mask
Rolling Stones - Steel Wheelchair Tour 2010
DOWN WITH BUILDINGS DEMOLITION CO.
Springfield Nuclear Plant:
``Still operating thanks to the lengthy appeals process''
CNNBCBS (A division of ABC)
[2F18] Springfield Pet Shop: ``All our pets are flushable''
Springfield Dog track: ``Think of them as little horses''
PUPPIES FOR FREE OR BEST OFFER
[2F32] Krusty O's - Free inside! One Jagged Metal Krusty-O!
Steve Allen's books:
- How To Make Love To Steve Allen
- Happiness is a Naked Steve Allen
- Journey to the Center (of) Steve Allen
- The Joy Of Cooking Steve Allen
Sax on the beach -- Bleeding Gums Murphy (in HI-FI)
Tonight: School recital [sold out]
Tomorrow: Barbra Streisand Tickets still available
Springfield Cemetery:
Come for the funerals Stay for the pie
KJAZZ - 152 Americans can't be wrong
Steve Allen - Inventor of the Pog ($500)
[2F21] Jebediah Springfield park - Tonight:
8:00 Medfly Spraying
8:15 Springfield Pops
8:30 Spraying: 2nd Pass
[2F22] Shelbyville Daily - ``Once a week, every week.''
[2F16] EXECUTIVE SPA
Physical Fitness
For
Better Tyranny
The Springfield Shopper: Awful School is Awful Rich
Burns Construction Co.:
``Building a Better Tomorrow For Him.''
Burns Slant-Drilling Co.
The Springfield Shopper: ``Burns Plans Sunshine Halt''
Sub-article: ``Special section: Your Guide to Perpetual
darkness''
This page is copyrighted © 1995 David Hall / davehall@cyberspc.mb.ca