Homer the Klown

(Note: I wrote these gags years ago, before 2F12 ever aired.)

[Story premise] Due to an accident caused by Homer, Krusty is temporally laid up. To make it up, Homer agrees to fill-in until the Klown king can gets back on his feet.
[Hospital scene]

Krusty, in arm cast and wheelchair, coaches Homer for his new clown duties. Bart & Lisa offers encouragement. Sideshow Mel is slightly bent over.

Krusty: OK.  Let's see you kick Sideshow Mel's butt!
Homer:  [poses a kick, but sees SSM's puppy dog expression] Ahh,
        but he looks so sad.
Krusty: [shouting] Never mind how he feels, just kick that butt!
Bart:   C'om, Homer, think of the millions of kids you'll make
        happy.
Lisa:   Yeah, Dad, classic slapstick is American humour at its
        best.
Homer:  [poses a kick, wiggling his leg indecisively] Oooh, it's
        hopeless.  Why can't I just kick Santa's Little Helper.
Bart:   Oh, Homer, I guess you are hopeless.
Homer:  Why you little! [strangles Bart]
-- More classic slapstick, ``Homer the Clown''
Krusty laughs at the multitude of expressions Homer's painted face makes while Bart's own is turning blue.

Good!  Good!  You have the clown instinct.  Now, kick that butt!
-- Krusty, ``Homer the Clown''
Homer's power kick sends the hapless sidekick flying across the room and landing on a hospital table -- which then crashes through a window. Krusty laughs uncontrollable (``Oh, that was funny!'').

Hey, that really was funny.
I never knew how much fun other people's pain really was.
-- Homer, ``Homer the Clown''

[SNPP scene]

Burns points a finger at one of his monitors.

Burns:    Smithers, who's that clown in sector 7-G?
Smithers: Err, it looks like Homer Simpson.
-- ``Homer the Clown''

[Moe's Tavern scene]

Homer drives up to Moe's Tavern with his new clown buddies.

Well, this is the place.  I think Moe has room for all of us.
[a zillion clowns pour out of Homer's car.]
-- Homer, ``Homer the Clown''

[bedroom scene]

That night in bed, Marge reads a book while waiting for Homer. In the bathroom, Homer, still in clown attire, attends to clownly matters -- applying a fresh coat of paint to his face. Hearing Homer humming a stupid clown jingle, Marge is getting a little annoyed.

Marge: Homey, aren't you done, yet?
       [Homer exits the bathroom and climbs into bed]
Homer: Yep!  All done.
Marge: [frowning] I thought you were taking off that make-up?
Homer: [whines] Ooh, Marge, I just wanna try it for one night.
Marge: [shaking head] Nope!  I want you to take it off this
       instant.
Homer: [whines] Please! Please! Please!
-- Simple wants of a clown, ``Homer the Clown''
Marge can't say `NO' to Homer's pathetic clown face, she turns off the lights. The room is engulfed in total, -- with the exception of Homer's bright, red, shiny clown nose.

Marge: Homer!  Put that away!
Homer: [seductively]  Ooooh Marge, wanna ?
Marge: No, I don't wanna snuggle!
       [two quick honking sounds are heard and Marge giggles
       uncontrollable]
       Homer!  Stop that!
Homer: Hey, remember that time we got all that stuff from
       Frederick's by mistake?
       [A couple more honking sounds]
Marge: [giggling] Oh, Homey, let's snuggle.
       [Homer's nose light goes out]
-- A clown and his lady, ``Homer the Clown''

This page is copyrighted © 1995 David Hall / davehall@cyberspc.mb.ca