| MILLIONAIRES
REBORN IN HOLLYWOOD
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| In the season last past, the McNall's
Millionaires took one last look at their balance sheet and saw
that it didn't. They then looked to their trophy case for
inspiration and saw but one dusty President's Cup (won during
the AHL's maiden season, 1992-93) |
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| hoisted upon FOUR
4th-place finishes, the last coming half a decade ago.
That was
the straw that broke the Millionaires back...or more
appropriately, his bankbook. |
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WE'RE BACK!!
At long last the
official Armchair Hockey League home page has returned to the World Wide
Web. The web has been poorer for the AHL's lack of presence but
getting visas, passports and landed-immigrant status' for our entire AHL
web development team took some serious time (and serious payolla).
Thanks to all the support from our longtime readers who encouraged us to
put the "W" back in the World Wide Web (not sure what that
means either but it sounds good). The AHL is back on
the web.....and we are sorry!
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A "For Sale" sign
was soon planted
on the front lawn of Millionaires' corporate and an 11-year
old founding member of the AHL, an original-six franchise(!!), was ready to pack it
in. Unthinkable!?!
"Not really", opinioned an AHL insider, "trouble's
been brewing in the McNall
war-room for the last few years. It was unexpected, but I wouldn't
classify it as shocking. Remember, it's not the first time
they've tried to leave the league."
True. In 1995, a year before the near
collapse of the AHL when 5 franchises left the league (go
to League Info for more details), the Millionaires had contemplated
folding the franchise...but in the end they stayed on. |
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A few years
later the Millionaires were once again on the block and actually
auctioned off to the highest bidder. AHL governors, however, stepped
in and would not permit a prestigious commodity such as an AHL
franchise to be auctioned off as if it were Aunt Bessy's sow...and
the Millionaires remained once again. However, lack of competitive
improvement, overflowing red ink and a poor Return On Investment
made this third sell-order the final one for the embattled
Millionaires. |
| Ironically enough, the new
Millionaire poobahs are some lost AHL sheep themselves....none other
than the former Hollywood Henchmen ownership group looking to get
back into the league they had spurned five years ago. New owner Rick
Holod spent no time in reshaping the former Millionaires into his
own bizarre image. The first move involved......well.....a move!
From Richmond to Hollywood. Next, a name change, and finally a
complete overhaul of the Millionaire lineup. Goaltending rock Martin
Brodeur was one of the first out the door and 24.....yes,
TWENTY-FOUR....of his former teammates were likewise dealt, waived
or saw their contracts renegotiated into the fireplace at Hollywood
Manor. Of the 27 players from McNall's final
roster, only defenseman Sami Salo and forward Milan Hejduk survived
the chopping block. Inhumane HR issues aside, the new McNall/Hollywood
philosophy is paying huge dividends as they have climbed the AHL
standings, to everyone's surprise, and now sit tied with the Beer
Goblins in the AHL's top spot. The Millionaires spent 11 years
chasing the elusive AHL Championship and the Henchmen had 5
years of near-misses (their own President's Cup trophy teasing
them). Looks like the 16 years of experience is finally paying
off. |
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DRINKING AND ICING?
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The Snob Hill Beer Goblins, minus the Snob Hill this season, are
looking for Destiny's number. Now in their 3rd season in the
AHL, those beer-guzzling fools from parts-unknown are drinkin' an'
icin' all the way to the AHL Championship (as long as they continue
putting in the net the correct one of the two pucks they constantly
see on their sticks). The secret to their success, besides
never being sober enough to realize they're not really this good, lies
in
their all-universe defense. The season
began with Pronger, Niedermayer, Schneider and Blake on the points
and then they went and signed Free Agent Sheldon Souray for no other
reason than to ensure no one else in the league got him. Some
believed Souray would be the new
wrench looking to take valuable powerplay time from the fab-four. So far the situation has remained harmonious, mostly due to
the unthinkable amount of winning that this team has achieved.
"Yeah, we've just been rockin' dude", a still LA-mellowed
Rob Blake said, "it's been like totally awesome."
Blake and company have been so good that the Beer Goblins have BY
FAR the best offense in the league as they lead the AHL in combined
Goals/Assists while maintaining an iron-clad defense with an
astounding +66 on the Plus/Minus ranking.
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Another victim falls to
Blake's Beer breath |
| So how does this
make Goblin management feel? "Very @#%*ing nervous",
were the confidently shaken words of GM Stephane Normandeau,
"the only place for us to go now is down so we have to maintain
our focus and continue our current level of play, otherwise we're
hamburger." Whether or not the Goblins can continue this dominance is
to be seen. Right now, though, they are a lot closer to File
Mignon than they are to Hamburger. |
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