A Lexicon of Edgarisms and Arphaxioms

The following is a helpful glossary of words and phrases that I have invented or otherwise co-opted from other sources to compensate for the meager limitations of the English language as most people know it. However, this list does not include slang terms--especially expletives, such as krunk, smeg, or yotz--which I use but were invented by specific pop-cultural icons. With luck, this will help you through some of those times when I make little or no sense to those around me. Ironically, you may have stumbled onto the most enlightening part of my homepage by choosing to come here....

Edgarisms

angst-rider

n. one who is angst-ridden; often preceded by "Victorian," e.g. Philip Carey in Of Human Bondage, Jude Fawley in Jude the Obscure.

Arphaxiom

n. an idiomatic expression coined by Edgar Governo to express what he feels is a self-evident truth (see below). [Arphaxad online nickname + axiom]

Australophile

n. one who admires or loves Australia and Australian language, culture, etc. [Australo- + -phile, deriv. Anglophile]
--Australophilia n.

blairwitch

v. to travel in a remote area without reliable cartographic or communications equipment, as the characters in The Blair Witch Project do: I may have spent a good deal of time travelling around Australia, but I wasn't exactly blairwitching it through the outback.

Catholiphobic

adj. abnormally or irrationally fearful of Roman Catholicism; often disguised through hostility towards said religion. [Catholic + -phobic, deriv. homophobic]
--Catholiphobia n.

clackety-clack

n. any online environment, esp. where one-on-one dialogue occurs: I'd been talking to her for years on the clackety-clack before we finally met in person. [onomatopoeia associated with the sound of typing on a keyboard]

Cool Theatre People

n.pl. the overwhelmingly friendly, creative, and generally cool people who are involved in and associated with the world of theatre, esp. in Winnipeg and at the University of Manitoba: I spent most of the afternoon hanging out with the Cool Theatre People in the lounge.

December 7, 1991

Coined in a conversation on December 14, 1994 with someone who is three years and seven days older than I am, to describe how little I had done compared to her; currently used as a general reminder of how much I have yet to accomplish in life.

Depression Logic

A particular method of reasoning and argumentation used to justify pessimism; often used to convince another person that one's life is worse than theirs, and that it cannot be improved.

Doylaerobics

n. the...unique...style of dancing employed by Canadian Maritime singer Damhnait Doyle, which looks similar to aerobics; actually coined and subsequently used in her presence on May 11, 1996.

dunch

n. a mid-afternoon meal that serves as neither lunch nor dinner, but a partial combination of the two. [d(inner + l)unch, deriv. brunch]

Edgarism

n. an idiosyncratic term invented or adapted by Edgar Governo to express a sentiment more accurately or precisely: That's not a real word, it's just an Edgarism.

ego-surfing

v. searching the Web for links or information pertaining only to yourself: In other words, you were just ego-surfing when you entered your own name into the search engine. [coined by Virginia May, and used with permission]

equalism

n. the philosophy that all humans are fundamentally similar, and that the differences between them are ultimately negligible.

equalist

1. n. one who believes in and follows the principles of equalism, esp. one who successfully challenges others to re-evaluate their assumptions and prejudices.
2. adj. of or pertaining to equalism: I like Me'Shell Ndegeocello because she puts across an equalist viewpoint in her music.

Everybody Movie

n. a film in which most of the actors, even those who play relatively minor characters, are stars or at least recognisable to the occasional movie-goer, e.g. The Outsiders, the quintessential Everybody Movie; used only when this is done unintentionally: While The Shadow can be called an Everybody Movie, The Player cannot.
--Everybody Episode n. is derived from this term, and applies appropriately to television series: "The Outrageous Okona" is the definitive Everybody Episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation.

flabbergastion

n. a state of confounded astonishment: When I heard the news, I could hardly contain my flabbergastion. [flabbergast + -ion]

funky chicken

Slang. synonym for "cool," often spoken in moderate surprise: What do we have here? Well, funky chicken... [< Disco Era dance craze]

Gaki

(ga-kee) Slang. expression of great incredulity or amazement: Gaki! How did that happen? [< pseudonym of Akutagawa Ryunosuke (1892-1927), author of "Rashomon"]

gaydom

n. the gay/lesbian/bisexual community as a whole; used in both connotations, as an influential collective and a group with an unfortunate tendency towards isolating itself. [gay + -dom, deriv. fandom SF community term]

heterophobic

adj. abnormally or irrationally fearful of heterosexuals or heterosexuality; often disguised through hostility or isolationism on the part of gaydom. [hetero- + -phobic, deriv. homophobic]
--heterophobia n.

100K Club, The

The select group of people whose IRC log files occupy more than 100 kilobytes of memory on my personal hard drive; there are currently nineteen members. Beyond the literal definition, being a member of this club signifies that I consider someone a close online friend. Also, The 200K Club, The 300K Club, etc.

hyper-hyped

1. adj. excessively advertised and/or praised, to the point where one actually wishes to avoid the object in question.
2. hyper-hype v. to overly advertise in such a way; to praise to hyperbole.

jackasserole

n. a fictional mixed dish whose consumption causes one to behave in an abrasive and/or doltish manner: That guy obviously had way too much jackasserole before going to work today. [jackass + casserole; coined by Scott Lockhart in May 2002 while on a trip to Chicago, and used with permission]

kadiva

(kuh-dee-vuh) n. an instance or period of being seriously upset in some way: I was so surprised when I heard the news that I almost had a kadiva over here. [< Mock Yiddish < Mock Swedish, cf. The Muppet Show]

Mackers

Australian Slang. McDonald's.

nigranthian

(ny-gran-thee-uhn) adj. brilliant, but with a dark streak: Neil Gaiman is a very nigranthian writer. [< Latin nigr- black + -anth- (?) + -ian; coined elsewhere, but used with permission and subsequently "donated" to Winnipeg theatre group The Conspiracy Network]
--nigranthiance n.

nouveau gauche

adj. literally, the New Left; a fictional art movement, fashion trend, etc., used to sound as if one is making an artsy comment: That outfit is so nouveau gauche, I love it! [< French nouveau riche + gauche, deriv. nouvelle vague and similar terms]

post-contemporary

1. adj. literally, "after the present time;" a fictional movement in the arts or literature rejecting or reacting to the present: Little feather, light and airy/Very post-contemporary. [deriv. postmodern]
2. adj. futuristic, but still similar to the present: Connie Willis usually writes her stories in a post-contemporary setting.

Prince Of Thieves Syndrome

n. a mishmash of accents in a film, esp. a recent American one, which has an exotic or foreign setting, e.g. First Knight, The Man in the Iron Mask; can be abbreviated POTS, as in the stew of dialects one is forced to witness in such films.

sandy

adj. easy to run one's hand through, like warm sand: My hair feels nice and sandy today.

snush

n. snowy slush (or slushy snow, if you will), esp. that which can be found in Winnipeg every spring and autumn. [sn(ow + sl)ush]

übergroup

n. a gestalt assembly of people made up of smaller groups of friends; generally gathered together for a social purpose, such as a movie outing: Going to Attack of the Clones just wouldn't've been the same without the übergroup. [< German über over/about + group, deriv. Nietzsche's Übermensch and subsequent English variants]

wonky

adj. not working properly; malfunctional; used only in describing inanimate objects, esp. machines: My computer screen was acting wonky again today. [malfunctional isn't a real word, either]

Arphaxioms

A man with a mission must set out with the determination to succeed or he will find himself with nothing but a bad record.

I made this one up in junior high, to help me gather the courage to ask someone out. I needed something that sounded inspirational, and this seemed like the sort of thing one might find in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations or as a dedication at the beginning of a book. Now, I use it as a reminder not to let my projects go unfinished.

Confusion is the best aphrodisiac.

I also made this up in junior high. I'm not quite sure what it means...and man, does that ever turn me on.

Do you want the truth or a convenient lie?

This is my response to people who ask me certain personal questions, especially when their perception of me might change based on the answer. "A convenient lie" is usually what they would want to hear as an answer.

Hey, all you need's an alabaster.

This expression came from a conversation I had with some friends of mine on the subject of pregnancy and artificial insemination. What I meant to say was, "Hey, all you need's a turkey baster," but this came out instead. Now, I tend to say it in response to someone else's malapropism.

I'm a barrel full of contradictions.

Life is full of paradoxes, and I'm one of them. People in general live their lives with any number of beliefs that are internally inconsistent, and saying this is my way of acknowledging that my own personality and philosophy, like anyone's, is riddled with such conflicting viewpoints.

It's Star Trek. By definition, it's good.

This was my rejoinder to a classmate's criticism of Star Trek: Generations in November of 1994. Forgetting about the fact that she hadn't seen the movie yet, that was a period in my life when I thought Star Trek could do no wrong. Now, this is my half-joking comeback to anyone's criticism of the series...after all, this is Star Trek we're talking about here.

Perfection in a glass.

This is just another way of saying that something is excellent in some way--a really good movie, for example, or a win-win situation. Although it sounds like it describes a drink, it can be used for anything (yes, including good drinks), and is sometimes preceded by, "Ahhh."

That reminds me of my days as a steel drum player in Jamaica...

This is what I tell someone who has just told me a particularly unusual story which bears no relation whatsoever to my life, since I have no standard reply to offer. Strangely enough, my deadpan delivery has actually led some people to ask me about my days as a steel drum player in Jamaica...

Would you want me to be anything less than completely fresh?

I made this up on my trip to Montréal in February of 1997, in response to my friend's criticisms that I take too long getting ready to go out. Other people have made the same comment since I came back, so I give them the same reply.

You have a trustworthy font.

For the most part, I have never met the people I associate with online, so I haven't seen their faces nor heard their voices in person. I write this to them as a facetious reassurance that I still find them honest and reliable, since I often have only their text to rely on. There are some variations--"talking in a certain tone of font" is a fairly common one, for example.